How Avengers Endgame Should Have Ended
Captain Ball!!! Oh my gosh! Steve?! *music intensifies for making out reasons* What are you doing here? I made out with your niece in the future! I’m really sorry! What!? No no no no! Not again! Awe come on, man! Right when the camera went by! What are the odds? He knows! Thanos knows! Oh no! I’m being captured. If only I had a device that would allow me to magically escape back to my own time… Oh! Right. Oh my gosh, Thanos! The other Nebula has escaped! You guys!!! Whoopsies I’m gonna do it! Let me die! NO! I should be the one to go! Let me! You have kids! You are way more attractive! I never get to do anything important! Let me jump! Guys. No! Let me! Guys! I grow weary of listening to your arguement. Actually I grow weary of pretty much everything about this whole place. I have been here so many years. I am bored out of my mind. I will jump I shall give you the stone. Really? Yes. I will do it. Wow!
Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I love you! That is all I needed to hear! Freedom! Well alright then. Guys! I think it worked! Are they dead? No, mighty Thanos. Sensors indicate zero casualties. REALLY??? What the farts you guys! What kind of missiles are we using here? Shoot them again! And do it right this time! Yes, my liege. He’s just sitting there. And he doesn’t have any infinity stones. Lets kill him properly this time. You could not live with your own failure… Where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life…. You talk too much. Wha? Ooof! Not worthy. Get this hammer off me! Get him! Get him in the ribs!
Ha! You like that! How you like that? Smear the Titan lets go!
Where’s your Chitauri now!? Chop! We get it! You have a lot of heroes. AVENGERS!!!! Assemb… whut? Excuse me. One second, Mr. Captain. Ehem… Mirror Dimension!!! Oh come on. Sling ring… and cut. Yes! Wong! You took everything from me! I don’t even know who you.. I don’t know how you’re gonna get through all that. Honey, I just blew up his entire ship all by myself. Don’t worry! She’s got help! Okay Ladies now lets get in fo… Oh! Sorry! I don’t really need your help. But thanks girls! You all look great! Call me! I am inevitable. I am Groot. I am inevitable. I am Groot! I am inevitable! I am groot! I am inevitable! I am Groot! And I’m…. Batman! Aaaaawe Snap! Because I’m Batman. How’s it feel? Like it belongs to someone else. It doesn’t. Thank you. There’s just one more thing… What’s that? Sooooooooooo unless you’re a plane… Or a bomb, or some ice,
Oh no! Or a brain washed buddy, or a Spider-Man… *captain breath* Or a Tony Stark, or a version of yourself…
OH he’s still going! Or just plain Thanos! Please stop.
*Captain Breath* Then you don’t necessarily have to yield! Ha ha ha ha ha! Are you done now? I could do this all day? It’s okay, Tony. You can rest now. Can’t somebody do something? Is there a doctor in the house?! If only there was a device that could reverse things that were damaged… Ugh…. Okay! Fine. You just wanted to see me die didn’t you!? Hmhmhmhm! I’ll never tell! Yay!!!! *sigh* So you used time travel to save the earth and someone special who died. Yep! And Cap put back the stones… And we all lived happily ever after! Well everyone except, Natasha. She still died for the soul stone. Oh yeah. That’s true! Who’s Natasha? I’ll do you one better! Why is Natasha! Shh!
There’s gotta be a way to save her right? Nope! She’s gone forever. That seems stupid. You have a time machine! I mean yeah! Guys we can just go back in time before Natasha died… And then bring her here! We can do that? Apparently! Well what are we waiting for?! See you in a minute. Wait! You uh… you don’t make it. huh? Yeah you um…. you die. Yeah so… come with us. Okay. What just happened? Now Black Widow lives! YAY!!! *sigh* I think the consequences of messing with the fabrics of time are getting really loose here. Yeah doesn’t bringing her back before she died for the soul stone… mean nobody ever got the soul stone in the first… THAT’S NOT HOW TIME TRAVEL WORKS! you dum dum. Oh well that clears up everything… thanks. Hey wait! What about old man Rodgers? Cap is still old! Yes. Yes I believe I am. We can fix that too! We can? Of course we can! I’d rather ask Cap some questions about him sitting back and letting history play out exactly the same way. or did he go to another dimension? So many questions! No let’s make him young again! Yay!!! Okay here we go. Wow! I think you just invented immortality. Time Travel! EVERYBODY LIVES! YAAAAY! Marvel movies! *sigh* Shawarma! You’re Loki! No I’m not! I’m you from the future! You’re pointing at my butt! I’m not pointing at your butt! You’re pointing at my butt! Stop pointing at my butt! It’s rude to point! It’s even ruder to point at butts!